Day 272 - Monday 13th June

The last few days I have swum in the sea simply because I needed to keep going, even though at the moment I am not sure what, when or how the swim will take place.

Over the weekend I have thought “long” and hard about the situation and have had numerous discussions with Fiona, with Sharon, with my family and with some of my BSC friends (sage words from Little Bob which are more helpful than I think he would ever know). Ultimately I will swim the channel, no doubt about that whatsoever, it is simply a case of when and how I do it. Fiona talked about a relay swim and after literally days of soul searching (still going on truth be told) I think that this would be the only way I could do it. The solo swim, whilst all I have been focused on, is simply not possible with my crones. If I could eat and absorb the food I need and thus gain the weight I need then no doubt in my mind I would give the challenge a go. Who knows whether I would have been able to complete it and how long it would have taken, but I would definitely have started at Dover and done my very best (which is all one can ever do). However at 10½ stone (which is heavy for me) I simply can’t do more than around 3 hrs in the sea without the effects taking toll. By doing a relay it means that I would do no more than around 2 hrs at a time and then coming out, warming up and eating and then going back in again with a clear head. Having read up over the weekend on relay channel swimming it has to be said that it is by no means an easy option, it remains a huge challenge, in fact a different challenge. You have to be able to come out and then be mentally and physically prepared to go back in even though once out you want to stay out. So it remains a huge challenge, but one that I think my crones will allow me to do. What now needs to happen is that my Pilot needs to agree to move my swim to the end of the season (August-September), then the CSA need to agree to bend the rules and allow other swimmers to qualify in June/July rather than back in January and then we need to get the other swimmers to agree to join me (hopefully some of my BSC friends). So not an easy job to accomplish in a short time. Fiona is doing her very best for me and I will do all I can. At worst position it would mean a relay next year, but I am doing everything in my power to make it this year. Ultimately the weather conditions could call off my swim anyhow (Fiona waited 3 yrs before the weather allowed her to do her swim!), so nothing has changed at this point apart from my swim moving back to end August and doing it with the support of others. This swim will take place somehow, of that I am sure, but I have to accept that my illness is something I can only control to a degree. Over the last 22 years my crones and I have battled constantly and I “always” win, this time will be no different. It is doing it’s best at the moment however and I have noticed that over the last couple of weeks I have been getting some very sharp pains in my groin/thigh area, sort of electrical shocks that only last a few seconds but that really are so painful that you can’t even speak. I’ve had these numerous times in the past and they have always been after I have dramatically changed my eating habits; another symptom of my crones. So it makes perfect sense now to go back to my old eating habits, which have served me well for the last decade and have got me to this point in time; I need to get myself back to strength, get rid of these pains (mental and physically ones) and get this job done. At the back of my mind are the 21 children’s charities I have pledged to support and I will not let them down.

I am now literally waiting for Fiona to come back to me with the good news that we have an end of season slot and that the CSA are allowing us to do this. I can then get a team of swimmers together and get back to the job at hand. Meanwhile I shall continue my training in earnest and keep everything crossed that everyone and everything allows me to do this.