Day 283 - 30th June 2011

Another swimming day much like yesterday, virtually the same conditions although a little warmer at 15.2 degrees. Still not what I would consider “warm”, but certainly much better. This morning I swam an hour at a fairly constant and decent pace. I went once around the pier and then to the fifth buoy along to the marina and back; basically 6.30am – 7.30am.

Good news on the channel front; I have a new date – wey hey!! I have a week booked 8th – 16th August 2012; Olympic Year!! I have the 1st swimmer spot, which is basically as good as it gets. It means that for that whole week my team will get the first clear day to do the challenge. What I now have to do is get a team together. I’m not sure how easy or hard that will be, but I am confident that in Brighton Swimming Club there will be enough good swimmers who would like to join me in this; I certainly hope so. If not then I will look further afield. In Brighton, especially with my connections at the Esporta Club, there are a lot of swimmers and triathletes and amongst them I am sure there are people who would love to join us. This is not however a simple case of someone being able to swim an hour at a time; the relay has so many other challenges; least not sea sickness in the boat, air temperature when you come out and try to warm up before you have to go back in again, taking a year to train, taking a week off work awaiting your slot. An easy option it isn’t! However between Fiona and Myself I am confident we will find five stars to join me. My boat pilot is Andy King and his boat is the “Louise Jane”; this is a link to his boat -

http://www.channelswimmingassociation.com/Pilot%20Andy%20King.html

Now I have a new and confirmed date in place I am reinvigorated and excited about the swim again; about time!

By the way the couple outside the Arch in the morning are Glen and Simone; nice to now know their names.

Day 282 - 29th June 2011

After two days out of the sea due to exhaustion from the lack of sleep I was back to it today. The morning was dry, the air temp about 18 degrees and the sea still down to just under 14 degrees. It was 6.35am when I tiptoed into the ocean on my own, having said my good mornings to the homeless couple just waking up outside the arch; I need to get their names as calling them the homeless couple feels very degrading; what is the etiquette on asking them their names, am I allowed to even do that without offending? Tough one.

The sea was very calm and the tide was mid way through its change, so it was quick to get out of depth and the movement was very little; both conducive to an easy start. Heading out I swam past Shoichi and Damien who were heading back from a 6am start and continued to head around the pier. A nice easy swim all the way around so I carried on from the head of the pier and to the fourth buoy out to the marina; a decent distance in the morning. The swim back to my beach was also nice and easy and in fact the whole swim was most pleasurable (you had to be there!). Back in the Arch afterwards I only saw Little Bob and managed a catch up with him which is always a pleasure (he and Lindy did a 2k swim in the Thames at the weekend at 3am with about 600m people – I’m clearly not the only lunatic in Brighton!).

After my swim and two early meetings I headed to Esporta at Falmer to present the Starr Trust and our fundraising to a meeting of 26 Esporta managers from branches around the South and East. The meeting, which Ross put together for me, was really good and we now not only have Esporta Brighton fundraising for us, but also the other 25 branches! A fantastic result to get such amazing support for the Trust. Afterwards I had a session in the gym with Ross for an hour, just on core and shoulders as I've had leg problems today.

On the dark side of today I have suffered quite a lot with my leg pain; the electric shock variety I had a few weeks back. I haven’t had this for a few weeks and when I have had it its been maybe 2 or 3 times in a row and about twice in a day lasting about 20 seconds each. For some reason today I have had about 6 episodes, each one with about 5 shocks each and each lasting about 30 seconds. To say it’s been a painful shocking day with that is an understatement. I’m not sure why it’s started again, but hopefully it’ll go away and leave me in peace. I certainly don’t want to see the doctor or specialist as they will just say lay of the training for a while! Hardly gonna do that!! Probably just the chrons and the tiredness getting together to tell me to have an earthy night and a healthy dinner!

Day 281 - 27th June 2011

Despite a bloomin hot day and a sky of blue I am not in the sea today. Great pity as the first day in a long time when it would not be nuts to go in! However this morning I was way too tired to go swimming and this evening I will be working too late to venture out in the dark (also it is meant to storm later today).

I managed a swim Saturday, which was raining and foggy, however my legs were still hurting a lot from the Friday gym session. I did about 45 minutes in the sea at 6.00am; just to the west pier and back; a hard but decent swim. Sunday I used the gym in the morning, trying to work out the still aching legs, and then went to the beach with the family midday. We went to Hove rather than Brighton and it really was noticeable how different the shore line is in Hove rather than Brighton; much more level and much less movement by all accounts. I think our beach is probably one of the hardest in the city.

After leaving the beach at 3pm we dashed home, awaited our baby sitter and then were out the house by 4.15pm heading to the O2 Arena in London to see the fab Glee in concert; and amazing it was. Getting there however was somewhat of a channel swim in terms of challenge! Can I suggest if you ever drive to the O2 you put North Greenwich Tube Station in as the address and not simply O2. The reason is that in the centre of North Finchley there is the O2 Centre; this is a cinema ! Can you guess what I did! Over 3 hours through the centre of London on a baking hot Sunday afternoon to find ourselves at the O2 cinema; some 45 minutes away from the O2 Arena!!! Arrrrr. By the time I realised and then drove the right way it was alredy after 7.15pm. We arrived at the O2 over 4 hours after leaving home and with just minutes to spare before the show started. The drive home took just 55 minutes! On getting home to bed after midnight we were joined within the hour by all three kids and I ended up on the floor once again. Now I wonder why I was too tired to swim this morning.

On a sad note, two men died swimming this weekend; both bodies found near the Marina. One was in his 20s and one in his 50s; unrelated to each other apparently. The sea is a dangerous place indeed.

On yet another note, my friend Angus, who is swimming the channel this July (the same week I was meant to and his third attempt to go in 3 years) is worried about the temperature and has said that it would be madness to go in 2 weeks with the temperatures as they are. Angus has been training so hard for 3 years and unlike me he has not had an eating problem and has been able to pile on the pounds as well as pilling on the miles; very inspirational chap; certainly someone capable of completing the solo that eluded me. To think that the cold temperatures might delay even him shows me that I would have lasted no more than a few hours. Angus, if you are reading this, then I am sending you all the warmth I can for a hot sea and a successful swim.

Day 280 - Friday 24th June 2011

Blog

Another day of bouncy water and once again a cold sea, circa 14 degrees. The cold today seemed to really get into your bones. I started my swim swim with Bob & James, but they went clockwise around the pier and I went anti clockwise; seems I always go the other way to everyone else! It wasn't planned that way, I just lost sight of them and didn't realise they were going that way. Unlike other sports, sea swimming is odd in so much that a dozen of you could be in spitting distance of each other and you still can't see anyone. It's very easy to feel all alone out there.

After work I went to the gym and trained with Ross, sometimes he trains with me rather than just trains me. We did an hour on just lower body. After an hour of legs only you really know it! My legs feel like ton weights; tomorrow I'll probably be walking like Charlie Chaplin!

My training from now on is going to be focused on speed swimming and strength rather than just distance. I still plan some 3 & 4 hours swims, but I need to get my speed up; ive a year now to nail that and nail it I will.

On the fundraising front things are still going forward. We are at around £44,000 so far and have plans to keep it going hard . Esporta in Falmer, my fantastic gym, are now on board with fundraising and have set themselves a target of £5,000. They have numerous events planned, including a very cool 21 day tour de France challenge on the spinning bikes. Very cool indeed to have such a great sports club helping us.

Day 279 - Thursday 23rd June 2011

Sometimes life is all about perspective. This morning at the Arch I was chatting to a couple who have been sleeping outside the arch door for the last few days, this is an area of the beach that is shielded slightly from the weather. You get quite a lot of homeless people down that area as they have the covered over parts as well as under the pier itself; all offering some protection from the elements and not crazy busy like the middle of the city. Anyhow, I was chatting to this couple and they remarked that I must be “crazy” going into the sea in the morning, especially such a rough sea as it was today. There I was talking to a couple who have slept outside the entire night and for the last few nights at the very least, huddled together under inadequate blankets and subject to not only the elements but also to the dangers of sleeping outside in a sometimes dangerous city; and they think my lifestyle is crazy. Life is clearly all about perspective.

The sea today was rough again with large rolling waves that were breaking heavily at the shore. Getting in was easy enough, but our beach has a really deep shelf when the tide is in between going in and out (or out and in). When you come back in you have to really try to time it so that you either manage to land very close to the groin (hardly any shelf there) or you have to swim in as close as you can to the shore and then time the waves so you have a long enough break to stand up and then make a quick dash up the beach before a waves grabs you back in and spins you over. I somehow never seem to make it into the groin area, so on a day like today you have to be prepared that you might just get a bashing. I went in at about 6.50am and swam West against the tide to the Brighton Centre. It was a decent swim, quite tiring against the tide and the sea was yucky. There was foam all over the place and it was literally flying across the top of the sea like dirty bubble bath; nasty! The temperature was still under 14 degrees, 13.8 to be exact, which is still too low for this time of year.

My wrist, whilst still swollen, has stopped hurting, so tomorrow it will be another sea swim in the morning, following by a gym session after work and an hour in the pool on speed reps.

Day 278 - Tuesday 21st June 2011

Another fractious day in the sea; them waves keepacoming! Temperature back up to 14 degree form 13.7 yesterday; still way too cold for the time of year; absolute nonsense. I swam out to the end of the pier, but being all alone and the waves being taller than a short building I decided to hang out until other came along. I’m not sure what they would have accomplished, but sometimes when your heart skips a beat its good to have other around! After waiting about 10 minutes and simply watching the waves head back to the shore I decided to head back myself; no point freezing out there all alone. By the time I got back to the buoy I swam into Big Bob, James and Damien as well as seeing a few others just coming in; Bob has just come back from a short break in France, so there we were in the middle of a wavey sea discussing his holiday. So nice to bump into friends and catch up on life before one goes to work, even if it’s half a mile out to sea! Weird maybe, what do you think??

I was meant to be at the gym after work today, but my wrist is really hurting – no funny comments please!! About 6 weeks ago, when I was moving some garden pots, I dropped one onto my right wrist and it swelled up quite badly. Six weeks later the swelling has not gone down and today it really has started to ache a lot. I don’t think it’s broken, maybe just sprained, but perhaps six weeks of training in the gym and sea, as well as six weeks of typing on a keyboard, have taken their toll. Not good at all as I’m now starting my speed swimming for the 21 mile coast swim and also the relay next year. I’ll rest it tonight and also tomorrow and will head to the sea Thursday and hopefully by then it will have settled down again. I need warmth and sun; it is a healer of all!

Come on summer, we need you!!!!!!

Day 277 Monday 20th June 2011

Fathers Day weekend just gone and family time the order of the day; ish!

Saturday I did a solo swim in the sea, a rough sea it was. I attempted to swim to the West Pier and back, but the tide was like a monster dragging East to the marina and the waves were a constant barrage. As it was a low tide it did mean that you could stand quite a way out, which in turn kept the waves low to the surface, but their constant wash and the strong tide meant that actually goig anywhere but with it was pointless. So I ended up staying on my beach and just swimming against it as if I was in an endless pool. An hour later, slightly battered and windswept was home and ready for the day ahead. Temperature in the sea dropped again; 13.7.

Sunday - Fathers Day - Kids in bed with me throwing cards into my face at 5.30am. I actually can't think of a nicer way to wake up than having my little stars telling me they love me.; it's like winning the lottery a million times over. A day of family fun until 3pm when Sharon took them all to a birthday party and I put on my running shoes and hit the street. I did a 90 minute run throught wind and rain and felt better for it.

Today - Another week begins and it started for me in the sea at 7.15am. Temperature still only 13.7 degrees, but sea flat (despite the dribbling rain). Didn't fancy going around the pier or heading far, so it was a 20 minute swim around the buoys and back. Nice and easy and a pleasure to be swimming with Little Bob and MIke; not often do I get to do that, so thougherly enjoyed it. This week I'm going to plan out my training for the next few months to make sure I on;t squander the time just doing what I feel like doing. I need to continue building on the foundation I've started and now add speed into the mix. This time next year Rodney.........

Day 276 - Friday 17th June 2011

No early morning swim today as I have a business meeting at 6.30am, followed by another at 11.30 and another at 1.00 and another at 3.00. If I could work my way across the channel in meetings then that would be a tad easier.

Feeling rather low today about the swim. Reg, my pilot boat, has confirmed that he can let me have a mid September slot, but it seems that the CSA won’t allow me to register other swimmers this year. Also Reg’s slot is on the second Tide as a Fourth swimmer. This basically means we miss the best first tide completely and then have to wait for three other swimmers to either succeed or fail in that week before we get our shot. If the weather is bad for any of those swimmers then they keep their position before me and I am moved on. With this being right at the end of the season and only having a single week as a window and 3 swimmers ahead of me on that week it is simply like being at the back of the pack in a grand prix driving an old mini and expecting to not only win the race but also finish the race. Even forgetting the CSA’s refusal to register more swimmers for this season for my relay, it seems taking this slot gives us the least possible chance.

What on earth does one do! I so want to complete this challenge; I’ve put over a year and a half of my energy, my time, my life into this and it’s all I’ve been thinking about since I first stepped into the sea last April (2010). To have the realisation that I can’t do this as a solo swim was both devastating and exhausting, but at least I clung to the possibility of a relay this year. Now it seems that it is unlikely to happen.

Having read a number of channel swimmers stories and spoken to some real life channel swimmers and future attempters I have come across more who have not been able to swim on their first attempt than those who have been able to; it seems delays of “years” due to weather or illness seems to be the norm. My plan of learning to swim and then successfully swimming all in just over a year seems now to be crazy; I hate the word impossible, but it certainly seems that way.
I will have to give this some major thought over the weekend and then sit down with Fiona and see whether she thinks the CSA will simply refuse to let me do it this year with a relay and if I am being daft taking a 4th position of a second tide at the end of the season; I just don’t want to end up not only disappointing myself and my amazing supporters but also have a team of swimmers also facing disappointment simply because “I” wanted to do it this year rather than plan it for next year.

I’ll certainly complete my solo 21 miles along the coast of Brighton this year, no one can stop me doing that and for someone who could barley swim a year ago that will be a great achievement on it’s own. But I will not give up on the Dover - France channel swim and if elements out of my control force me into next year as a relay then I have to be as strong as Fiona was and deal with it; she was delayed 3 years and still went ahead; that is the kind of resolve I need to have.

Day 275 - Thursday 16th June

XMen movie – what silliness! It was a chance though to grab a nap after a long day.

This morning I was back in the sea at 7.00am. The sky was grey and the rain was awake and at it. It’s interesting that just a year ago walking down the beach in the rain was as alien to me as putting on weight! Now however the fact that it’s raining is just another one of those atmospheric days that make sea swimming the experience it is. Heading around the pier I have to say it really isn’t for the faint hearted. It was very much a washing machine and roller coaster swim; some waves coming from all directions and others lifting you feet into the air. The hardest part was the short stretch from the Helter Skelter to the end of the pier and around; it was a battle just to stop being thrown into the stanchions, let alone heading forward; but once around the head it was a zip back the other side with the pier providing protection from the walls of water bashing around.

The temperature was 14.5 degrees exactly, which was dead on the same as this day last year. It is still cold, too cold to do much more than maybe 4 hours (for me that is) so it again shows me that the solo swim was just impossible at my size; dreadful as I still feel about it the reality is that I am just not fat enough to last 15-20 hours. However the relay is now starting to excite me more and more and that is something I know that I can achieve no matter the temperature whilst the solo was (is) only a slim chance even for those more conditioned than I.

I am still awaiting a confirmation from Fiona that we can do it in August and I remain with everything firmly crossed.

Once again a big thanks to my friends and supporters who have sent me such nice words of support:

From Natalie today by text: 
What can I say!!! I really feel for U!! Your not doing it because you don’t want to!! Its dangerous for your health and you have a fantastic family who need you so you are NOT a quitter!! X c lots of love ! Xxx

From Daniel today by text: 

Hi Rob just read your blog on the bog I thought something was up as you had not posted anything up there for a few days, any way you have made the correct decision you have too much to loose in the solo swim but that must have been a big blow for you let’s hope you get the chance to do the relay good idea speak to you later take care Daniel.

Tweet from @memarwoo:  @StarrTrust Rob will always achieve what he sets out to do, no matter how, solo or relay, he will find a way! Go Rob!

Tweet from @mamarwoo:  @StarrTrust I hope you get the ok! No one could put more into the Starr Trust than you have! You really are amazing!!!!

Tweet from @brightlawyer: @StarrTrust Swim4Smiles 2011: Day 269 http://t.co/9LUJZDQ. Doesn't matter when or how you swim Rob we're right behind you! RT pls

These are just a few out of a number of emails and texts, tweets and phone calls I have taken. To see the support and belief people have in me is something that one never could dream of; people really continue to inspire me with their generosity of pocket and generosity of word. We are doing so very much to raise an awful lot of money to support 21 incredible and needy children’s projects around the world and together I know we will get there.

Day 274 - Wednesday 15th June

A swimming blog today; that will make a change after my “self counselling” blogs of the last few days! Mind now firmly back where it needs to be and forging ahead with training to complete my two challenges; channel relay and 21 miles coastal swim.

Last night after work I had an hour at Falmer with Ross in the gym and boy oh boy did he push me on those muscles! By the time I got home at 5.30pm my arms were literally down by my sides. However, no stopping there, so on with the running shoes and a speedy 5k to finish off the night.

This morning, after a semi restless sleep I was back at the Arch for 7.00am and in the sea by 7.05am (speedy change into my trunks as usual). Not many at the Arch this morning, however, a friendly greeting from Evo and David, both of whom told me that they were relieved I was going for a relay and not the solo as they were worried about my health. It is nice to be around people who genuinely care for your well being and who understand the challenges of swimming. I was joined in the swim today by Big Bob and James and we headed off for a twice around the pier; beach to beach to beach. We started off with me about 25 metres behind them on the first circuit round and then ended up with me landing back on our beach about 25 metres ahead of them; so fairly even stevens on speed. The first circuit was exactly 21 minutes beach to beach and then the second circuit back around to the beach the other side took a further 27 minutes; I guess we were more tired and against the tide more coming back. The temperature today as recorded on my watch was 13.8 degree as an average; still very cold. Looking back over my blog to 15th 2010 (a year ago to the day) the temperature was 14.5 degrees; so it was almost 1 degree warmer last year on this day, quite a big difference.

The rest of today is time at the office right now, then off to London for a 2.30pm meeting, then back to Brighton for a quick 10k run and then tonight to the marina to see the new XMen movie.

So many nice supportive emails from people, some close friends & family, and people who have been kind enough to follow my blog and support me on this journey; it’s because of all these positive messages of support that I am now starting to feel better again in my mind today (at last).

Day 273 - Tuesday 14th June

Whilst waiting for my relay to be confirmed I am continuing to train and the last 2 days have seen me back in the sea and in the gym.

Yesterday the sea seemed to have the hump more than I even did! It was so rough out there that we ended up having to go in via the girly beach rather than our own. This morning, however, it was the complete opposite; the sea was so flat and still that it was a simple case of just walking in and swimming out; it’s amazing how two consecutive days can be so very different; one literally a dangerous raging torrent and the next a calm baby like quality. In fact I guess one could say that the sea has the same quality’s as a two year old – one minute all sunshine and light and the next as if the devil has taken control – I speak from experience!!

After work last night I did an exhausting 2 hr gym session followed by a 10k run. The need in me to clear my mind is very great at the moment.

As I have mentioned earlier this week , I will continue to pursue my challenge of swimming the channel by changing my solo swim to a relay swim and moving it to later in the season (August-September). The challenge of a relay channel swim remains huge and trying to have the CSA and my Pilot change this for me at such short notice is a huge challenge in itself; as is trying to raise a team of swimmers who can complete this mission with me; very character building stuff. However, I have also decided that it will be an added challenge to complete a second swim by swimming 21 miles and more ALONG the Channel over a week as a solo rather than across it; swimming the waters between Brighton Marina and Shoreham Port (basically 3 miles a day for 7 days in a row). This is also very much a challenge as there are some exciting pockets of drama thanks to the shape of the coastline and the tidal patterns. So whilst the Crohns may think it’s got the better of me it certainly hasn’t.

So whilst I wish with everything I have that I could take on the solo swim, I do at least now have two challenges, which for me are equally as challenging as the original.

Day 272 - Monday 13th June

The last few days I have swum in the sea simply because I needed to keep going, even though at the moment I am not sure what, when or how the swim will take place.

Over the weekend I have thought “long” and hard about the situation and have had numerous discussions with Fiona, with Sharon, with my family and with some of my BSC friends (sage words from Little Bob which are more helpful than I think he would ever know). Ultimately I will swim the channel, no doubt about that whatsoever, it is simply a case of when and how I do it. Fiona talked about a relay swim and after literally days of soul searching (still going on truth be told) I think that this would be the only way I could do it. The solo swim, whilst all I have been focused on, is simply not possible with my crones. If I could eat and absorb the food I need and thus gain the weight I need then no doubt in my mind I would give the challenge a go. Who knows whether I would have been able to complete it and how long it would have taken, but I would definitely have started at Dover and done my very best (which is all one can ever do). However at 10½ stone (which is heavy for me) I simply can’t do more than around 3 hrs in the sea without the effects taking toll. By doing a relay it means that I would do no more than around 2 hrs at a time and then coming out, warming up and eating and then going back in again with a clear head. Having read up over the weekend on relay channel swimming it has to be said that it is by no means an easy option, it remains a huge challenge, in fact a different challenge. You have to be able to come out and then be mentally and physically prepared to go back in even though once out you want to stay out. So it remains a huge challenge, but one that I think my crones will allow me to do. What now needs to happen is that my Pilot needs to agree to move my swim to the end of the season (August-September), then the CSA need to agree to bend the rules and allow other swimmers to qualify in June/July rather than back in January and then we need to get the other swimmers to agree to join me (hopefully some of my BSC friends). So not an easy job to accomplish in a short time. Fiona is doing her very best for me and I will do all I can. At worst position it would mean a relay next year, but I am doing everything in my power to make it this year. Ultimately the weather conditions could call off my swim anyhow (Fiona waited 3 yrs before the weather allowed her to do her swim!), so nothing has changed at this point apart from my swim moving back to end August and doing it with the support of others. This swim will take place somehow, of that I am sure, but I have to accept that my illness is something I can only control to a degree. Over the last 22 years my crones and I have battled constantly and I “always” win, this time will be no different. It is doing it’s best at the moment however and I have noticed that over the last couple of weeks I have been getting some very sharp pains in my groin/thigh area, sort of electrical shocks that only last a few seconds but that really are so painful that you can’t even speak. I’ve had these numerous times in the past and they have always been after I have dramatically changed my eating habits; another symptom of my crones. So it makes perfect sense now to go back to my old eating habits, which have served me well for the last decade and have got me to this point in time; I need to get myself back to strength, get rid of these pains (mental and physically ones) and get this job done. At the back of my mind are the 21 children’s charities I have pledged to support and I will not let them down.

I am now literally waiting for Fiona to come back to me with the good news that we have an end of season slot and that the CSA are allowing us to do this. I can then get a team of swimmers together and get back to the job at hand. Meanwhile I shall continue my training in earnest and keep everything crossed that everyone and everything allows me to do this.

Day 269 - Thursday 8th June

A devastating day for me today; in fact the devastation started last night.

Fiona and Bob came over to my house last night; the intention as far as I was concerned was to talk about the crew and what we need to have prepared for the swim in 4 weeks time. The conversation, however, did not go that way; in my heart of hearts I knew it wouldn’t even before they turned up. In essence Fiona said that she would not personally sign me off for the swim as I have not put on the weight I need to put on and subsequently it has meant I have been unable to do more than 3 hours in the sea without feeling the effects of the cold. At this point, just 4 weeks away, I should be doing 6-8 hour swims in the sea at least once if not twice a week; they are doing that in Dover already. In truth, she is correct, I have not done that in the sea this year, but it is because after 3 hours the cold has really got to me and I have felt so hypothermic that at the 3 hour point I have lost my mental ability to direct myself. If the sea was the same temperature as the outside pool (22 degrees) then I could keep going for hours (I notched up a few 6 hrs swims and a 7 hour swim a couple of months back), but in truth it is not going to ever reach more than maybe 14-15 degrees in the channel; impossible with my frame.

The problem I have is that no matter what I do physically or mentally I just can’t put on the weight they need me to put on. In the last 4 weeks I have eaten probably twice my normal intake and yet I have LOST another 3 pounds from last week and am exactly 2 pounds less than I was a month ago! It seems that the more I eat on top of my usual intake then my crones gets worst and I end up in rather a lot of pain and my body simply removes everything I’ve put in (sorry about the description). When I am swimming my crones pain stop almost instantly, but when I am pushing myself to eat then the pain starts and nothing is absorbed. The problem is that if I don’t put on 2 stone then I won’t be fat enough to take a 15-20 hour swim in the cold waters, as I will lose about 2 stone during the swim and will end up at about 8 stone; which is not only ridiculous to think about, but it is physically dangerous. Both Fiona and my GP, as well as Sharon of course, worry that even at that weight in that temperature I will refuse to come out and ultimately I could suffer a cardiac arrest and die; apparently a couple of years ago a 25 year old did just that and died during the swim; he is one of over 30 people who have died in recent years in the channel from their body not coping.

I know I am physically strong now and my mind is up for the challenge, but my body is letting me down to the extent that the powers that be simply won’t let me go. I am sitting here agreeing with them and understanding that this is not my choice on the one hand yet feeling I am letting myself and everyone down on the other hand! My mind is saying that I can not control the crones to the extent that I can put on the weight but then it is telling me I am a quitter; which is something I have never been in all my life. Total devastation is a slight understatement.

However, all may not be lost. Either way, whatever happens, I will complete a channel swim! If it is possible to change my solo swim into a relay then that would solve the problem as I would be swimming as a team and I can easily knock out 2-3 hour swims at this weight. If that is not possible then I will have to swim the length over a few days, maybe everyday for a week or something, here on the coast. Either way I will not let my crones stop me, not now - not ever. We have already raised nearly £50,000 for our 21 charities and we need to raise another £50,000 to complete the fundraising; I need to do whatever I can do to keep this going; it is not an option not too.

My mind however still is calling me a quitter, despite my strong words! How does one stop that!

Day 268 - Wednesday 8th June

After yesterdays full on exercise of cycling, swimming and gyming, today I am having an easier one. Also my right shoulder is aching a little and I don’t want to cause it any damage, so a less strenuous day would be sensible.

I was at the Arch by 6.50am, Shoichi was already in the shower having done his swim and James was there waiting for Bob and the others. I quickly slung on my trunks and headed out on my own as I fancied some “me and the sea” time. The wind was howling this morning so the sea was very choppy with some monster waves at the shore. Having to time it correctly so as not to be turned over, I gingerly stepped into the ocean and immediately dived through an oncoming wave and headed out to the depths. I went out as far as the second buoy near the groin and then headed east to the buoy just inside the pier. The tide and the wind were pulling east of it was a quick swim over to the pier and being as far out as the second buoy meant the waves were not as high; although there was still the occasional white horse that went over you. The swim back to the buoys by the groin was a real heads down job as it was fully against the tide and wind, but it made for a very good shoulder and stomach workout. Once back I headed down to the first buoy nearer the shore and then hung out a bit to enjoy the bumpy waves. Looking into shore it never ceases to amaze me that it looks like shear walls of water heading in and it does make the heart beat faster wondering how hard or even the possibility of a safe beach landing. In truth when I reached close to shore I could very easily judge the waves and make sure that I could surf in on the third one and then have time before the next one to walk out safety as they usually comes in three’s. Today was an easy day for that, other days it can be a lot trickier and very dangerous; one can never let ones guard down when it comes to the ocean!

Day 267 - Tuesday 7th June

A full on morning. I dropped my car to the garage last night for its MOT, so this morning (for the first time since I started swimming) I cycled to the beach. It was actually a great way to start the morning, especially as its 95% downhill all the way. It took around 20 minutes to get there; I left home at about 5.50am. Knowing I was doing a marina swim I thought it best to eat something first, so at 5.30am I had a bowl (well half a bowl!!) of muesli with chopped banana; each mouthful convincing myself I was just taking down energy rather than food. It worked for the first half a bowl, then I realised it was food and gave up – still gotta work hard on that mind set!

At the Arch, despite it being early in the morning, I was pleased to see Damien, Paul and Shoichi. They are really early birds those three; hardcore to the core. I suggested that they join me on my marina swim, but it was met with deafening silence, followed by a swim around the pier; maybe not so hardcore after all; maybe next time boys!!

Soon after James and Big Bob joined me and we all got changed and ready to go. Last minute James decided to join the early birds instead as he has never done the marina swim and the sea was cutting up rough. Big Bob however, hard as he is, didn’t hesitate for a moment. The sea really was choppy as the wind was up and we swam to the marina against the tide the whole way. It took exactly 1 hr to the second for us to touch the marina wall; for once I got there first by a few metres. As usual it was a rather unpleasant place to be, with large bouldering walls reaching up high into the sky, covered in slime and barnacles and a grimy looking sea sploshing against it; in fact it is so grimy that even the waves kept away from the wall; hanging back a few feet just waiting to hit us on our return. Having touched the wall we immediately turned back and headed home (the arch, despite it’s rather sad look still feels like home when you are that far out to sea). The return journey saw Bob racing ahead of me and even though we were close I couldn’t seem to catch up with him. Soon into the return he drifted out into deeper water, not intentionally I don’t think, whilst I stayed closer to shore; the waves still bashing us both. Despite the tide being in our favour on the return, the wind was against us and the wind was certainly the stronger of the two. I’m not sure what the temperature was, but I would guess it was still only around 13 degrees and as such half way back I again noticed how my slight frame lets in the cold after a fashion. Nevertheless we both ploughed on and kept the pier in sight. All was going well until I got to around three beaches from the pier and whilst in a day dream about things to do later in the day, I didn’t see a large wave bearing down on me and I turned to breath just as it hit. I must have swallowed a pint of sea water in one go and within seconds I was throwing up both the sea and also what was left of my cereal and banana; most unpleasant! I had no choice but to turn straight to shore as each time I tried to right myself another wave would hit me. I was on the shore very quickly as luckily I had stayed close all along, although perhaps being that close was the reason the waves were so big. Having beached myself I walked a few yards to clear my head and out of nowhere came Evo! She must have seen me from the beach swimming in and bless her heart she ran straight over and offered me her coat. Grateful as I was, I declined the warmth and sent her on her merry way; so lovely to have fellow sea swimmers keeping an eye on you. I left it a couple of minutes, by which time a chap with a camera saw fit to take a dozen or so shots of me standing in my wet trunks and wiping sick of my body, and then I waded back into the sea for the final few hundred metres; at this point I very nearly walked all the way back instead! However, in I went and swam out a short distance and then headed back. Coming under the pier a few minutes later I was surprised to see Bob just ahead of me; I really thought I was way behind at this point. I guess I must have been faster than I thought I had been; Bob certainly looked like he was still going at a decent pace.

Having landed pretty much together we walked slowly up the beach and grabbed a hot shower each. Bob, this being his longest ever swim in probably over 25 years, was a star. What a massive swim for him to do and I truly believe if I had not been with him I would not have gone at the speed we did. The total swim was 1 hr to the marina against the tide and 1 hr 20 minutes back with the tide – you would think it should have been the other way around!

Having showered and dressed and said our goodbyes I was back on my bike and cycling to work; about a 6k cycle I guess; nice and easy no rushing. I did stop on the way back at the cake shop and grabbed a sausage roll (now eaten) and an apple danish (waiting to be eaten); but the gentle cycle back did clear my head a little; although some 2 hours later I am still a little heady; also I keep getting sea water run from my nose onto my desk; charming!

It was a good swim in a tough sea and I should be pleased with that, but a big part of me really expected it to be so much easier by now than it was. Whether it was my mind not being 100% focused, or my body being tired or just me not being as strong a swimmer as I need to be, I simply don’t know. Either way I will forge ahead with my training, making sure I knock out another decent swim at the weekend (maybe my lagoon to marina swim). As for the rest of today, after work I am heading to Falmer for an hour with Ross in the gym and then tonight I’m at the Grand Hotel having dinner with Andrew Mosely the hotel manager as his guest; so at least a pleasant end to a tiring day.

Day 266 - Monday 6th June

I won’t go into the “poor me I’m tired” again as it is as boring to write it as it must be to read it; all I’ll say is that I need some sleep anytime soon please!!

Got to the Arch later than usual, 7.15am, and Big Bob and James already changed and ready to go in. They kindly waited for me to quickly get changed and then we did a 40 minute swim; all buoys and around the pier. A good swim to start the week; temperature still only 13 degrees, sea very calm, but raining and cold in the air. Where is that heatwave we were promised!!!!!

Tonight I’m in the home gym for an hour at 8.pm ish whilst Sharon and my Mum watch Desperate Housewives (not one for the boys!). Then hopefully an early night to get some rest.

Tomorrow at 6.30am I am doing a marina swim with Bob and James (first time for them!!), then 3pm at the Gym with Ross; been 2 weeks since I had personal training, so that will be interesting.

Only about a month until the swim – am I ready; who knows!! It’s so much to do with the mind rather than the body. I’m seeing Fiona this week to plan the food and the last 4 weeks of training; I get the feeling it’s about to get harder.

Day 265 - Saturday 4th June

The plan today was 3-4 hour sea swim, but the best laid plans....

Jesse was unwell last night, which meant yet another night of no sleep. He has quite a high temperature, so whilst he is feeling generally OK, the temperature is unsettling him and it meant he was up and down all night. My plan was to be at the beach by 10.30am (Sharon was at the hairdressers at 9am getting prettied up for our anniversary party tonight), so I was expecting her back by around 10am, giving me time to get to the sea by 10.30. However, by the time she got back (more like 10.30am) Jesse was still not at his best so I couldn’t just run off. I ended up at the beach by midday, but as I needed to be home by 2.30pm to set up the house for tonight it didn’t give me much swimming time. Also the wind today was really strong, which meant that the sea conditions simply were not conducive for a long swim. Anyhow, in I went at midday and swam to the West Pier and back; total swim was 43 minutes, which was a decent speed considering the conditions. Certainly not the 3-4 hours I wanted to do, but basically it was what it was and I have to just take each day as it comes and do my best on that day based on the conditions around me.

The party was fab. 80 people, a fantastic band, an amazing catering company and lots of fun. 7.30pm until 3.30am and just one of the best parties we’ve had. 10 years on from the wedding and still able to parrrrrrrty.

Day 264 - Friday 3rd June

Happy Anniversary to me – 10 years ago today I married the most amazing girl in the world and 10 years later I have managed to keep her – she must be a saint.

Last night was more fun and games.

Jesse and Mia with us at 11.50pm and after taking them back at, midnight they both returned by 12.30am. We took them back again straight away and Mia stayed put in her bed for the rest of the night. Jesse however wouldn’t stay put so the battle lines were drawn. Every 10-15 minutes from 12.30 until about 2.30am I met him at his bedroom door and took him straight back to his bed – he screamed at me throughout and woke Asher, Mia, Sharon and every sleeping entity within a 2 mile radius I expect. At this point Sharon took over and did the same until about 3.30am when she eventually won the battle and he stayed in his bed until 6am when he bounced onto my stomach once again.

Despite the lack of sleep I couldn’t miss swimming again, so I was at the Arch and in the sea on my own by 6.20am. The sea was wet and cold (as expected), but it was relatively calm. It was also a low tide which meant a long walk out, which today I didn’t mind as it gave me a chance to wake up. I headed off to the West Pier and swam at a fairly decent pace in a almost nothing tide to the red buoy at the end, then turned back to the palace pier, swam around the pier to the girly beach the other side, until I could stand, then turned around and swam all the way back around the pier to my side – probably about 50 minutes to the West Pier and back and then a further 40 minutes to go twice around the pier. A decent swim, especially with the sleeping conditions of the last two nights!

Tomorrow morning I’ll be at the beach around 10.30am and aim to do a 4 hr swim. My plan is Palace Pier to West Pier and back 3 times and then twice around the palace pier; stopping on the hour by the first buoy on my beech to feed on maxim which I’ll tie up on the first round. Fingers crossed the kids give me a break tonight as I’ll need at least 3-4 hours sleep to do that I think.

Day 263 - Thursday 2nd June

If you would like to know why I didn’t swim today then just ask my children.

11.30pm – Asher in our room as he couldn’t sleep. Brought his bed in and laid next to us on the floor and snored like a dinosaur. He fell asleep straight away and stayed all night without waking up, but his snoring remained as consistent as ever; no sleep for us then!

11.36pm (I was clockwatching) – Jesse comes in and jumps onto my stomach and falls asleep.

11.39pm Mia comes in to make it a full house.

12.10pm – We take Jesse and Mia back.

12.25pm – Jesse and Mia return.

12.50pm – Take Jesse and Mia back

1.25am – Jesse returns; once again my stomach being the trampoline

Asher continuing to snore like a dinosaur

2am – I take Jesse back

3.10am – Mia and Jesse return; once more a full house. If this was a game of poker I would be a millionaire

4.00am – We take Mia & Jesse back

5.05am – Jesse returns.

6.00am – Mia returns

6.02am – I get up to go swimming, make it as far as the bedroom door, turn around and head back to bed

7.15am – All kids awake and telling us how good they were as they slept through the night. Couldn’t be bothered to argue with them, so patted them on the heads and said well done. Perfect parenting!

8.30am – On the train to Gatwick and the girl serving coffee asks me if I am tired – I replied nicely, although that was not my first thought!

I felt bad about not swimming in the morning, but it was just impossible. Even I , who needs little sleep was just too exhausted.

3.50pm – back from three London meetings, having made sure I ate something between each to get some energy back, I headed straight to Falmer (although really wanted to just get home) and did a 2 hr pool swim in the outside pool. Not much speed, not much pleasure, but a 2 hr swim nevertheless.

5.00pm – Home and straight to the gym (yes I did!!) and did a 40 minute cross trainer, 20 minute run and 10 minute vasa swimming machine.

6.00pm onwards – went through the motions of dinner, books, bed for kids then same for me and happy day was over!

Day 262 - Wednesday 1st June 2011

A beautiful start to the day, although a little warmer would not go amiss. The sky is very blue and the air into double figures; the sea as usual is slow to catch up, but did creep up a bit from yesterday to almost 13 degrees. Apparently we have a heat wave about to start which will last through June & July; if that is true then it could raise the sea temperature to as high as 18-20 by July – if it does then I will be a happy boy.

The sea was very calm today, although a strong undercurrent towards the Marina (east). I hadn’t planned a long swim particularly as last night at 8pm Sharon and I used the gym and I really did work hard, arms, legs, core and my vasa swim trainer; the vasa has to be the hardest machine I’ve ever used. Afterwards we used the steam room at home (second time we managed to use it) and I stayed in for 20 minutes and sweated out the days issues – jolly nice it was too. Last night we only had two visits, both from Jesse, so I got a decent 4 hours sleep in, which really does make a huge difference to energy levels. So whilst I had not planned a long swim I ended up going to the Marina and back; circa 3 miles. The whole swim only took 1hr 20 mins, which was the fastest I’ve ever done it. The current was so strong going that I literally was like a bullet, however, coming back was a lot of work, but somehow it seemed not as strong when I was coming back which was handy (maybe the tide had started to turn at that point?). Anyhow a decent unexpected swim.

Afterwards, about 9am, I saw Fiona in the Arch and we had a good catch up; been tooooo long. She drummed into me once again that for the next 6 weeks I MUST do 3-6 hour swims every week; preferably twice a week. As she said, I don’t want to end up taking on the channel and wishing I had trained more. With 6 weeks to go I need to up the game once more. We are going to get together next week and plan my feeds and also put in a structured final training plan; which will pretty much be 90% swimming and just 10% everything else. Whilst I remain nervous and scared, I still remain optimistic that on the day the weather and tides will be with me (courtesy of my Dad) and that I will rise to the challenge.

Fundraising now hit over £40,000, so almost half way there. Again I remain optimistic that with everyone’s generosity we will make the £100,000.