Day 291 - Tuesday 12thJuly 2011

Angus completed his channel swim in 18 hrs 42 minutes. Or to be exact 4 years, 18 hrs 42 minutes. He has amazing tenacity and focus; the sort of focus I believed I had but which now leaves me questioning myself.

Me believing I could achieve in a year what took Fiona and Angus many years shows me how naive I was; one could even say I was insulting the hard work and dedication put in by others, although if I did so then it was without intention.

Looking at myself I find that whilst my respect for Angus has grown, my self respect has shrunk. Sure I know in my head that my weight issue is medical and not of my doing, however my heart tells me I am a quitter. It's not an easy thing to deal with and to get positive about.

However, positive I must be and I must focus on the fact that in a year I went from non swimmer to being able to deal with sea swimming in all conditions & temperatures and I managed long pool swims 5, 6 & 7 hours. With this is mind if I stay focused then with another year of training I should be a very fast and strong swimmer who can compete at channel level; both in a relay and even possibly in the future as a solo; the dream may still come true, who knows.

Last night I started the Relay plan with a meeting of possible team members. We met at my house over wine and snacks and got to know each other a little better. The mood was positive, if not perhaps a little too jovial for our first meeting. Some possible team members did not realise the reality of what a Channel Relay involves; the fact that only 3 out of 10 relays this year have been successful speaks volumes as to the hardship of the challenge. I'll be catching up with everyone individually over the next 7-10 days to see where everyone stands. Getting the right team together is everything at the moment; I might have it in place, but then again maybe not. I'll continue the conversations over the next couple of weeks and then hopefully I'll have a full team including two reserves. Once that's in place I'll need to get back to "serious" training as I will not allow myself to be the weak link amongst some very accomplished swimmers.